Acknowledge yourself!

In your journal, take time each night to write 3 things you are grateful for and 3 things to acknowledge yourself for.  Example for acknowledgement:


If you normally don't stand up for yourself, yet one day you did such as telling someone who butt in front of you that the line begins behind you, acknowledge yourself! Write something like: "I acknowledge myself for standing up for myself by telling that guy that the line begins behind me."  Or it could be something like "I acknowledge myself for keeping my desk organized which makes it easy to find what I need." 


All of these things MATTER!  It tells you that what you do and who you are matter and have value.  Real value, not pretend and fake value. And it is coming from you rather than an outside source.  It feels so much better because you know it within rather than needing to get it from someone or something else.  Then you will always know how to revive, refresh, and replenish yourself in a healthy lasting way that doesn't include calories, money,or any other substance or bad habit!


The more you do this, the easier it gets and the more you will honor and trust yourself.  It builds on itself.  Some will say that it is gloating or selfish to think these things. Many have found it difficult to do. Think of it this way: why on earth would you not honor your strengths, skills, values, and self?  Why would you make it bad to think well of yourself? Why would you make yourself small rather than honor the gifts that you have and the skills that you have aquirred? 

When you do this it makes you a better person, and encourages others to do it too.   When people live their true selves with confidence, they naturally use their gifts with joy to make the world a better place. Try it out and you decide for yourself.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness doesn't mean that you condone someones behavior, nor do you have to like them or have anything to do with them.  It is a way to lighten your own load of hurt, hate, disappointment, resentment, or whatever.  It is acknowledging that hurt has happened and that you have made peace with it .


The only way to really experience and truly know the meaning of the word is to go through something painful. Yuck. But how else will you know what it is to forgive?

Haven't we all needed to be forgiven at some point in our lives? 

Of course, this is all easier said than done. Going through something painful with another person or people is just that...painful.  Take a moment and sit with the pain.  Listen to it, let it speak to you.  You speak to it.  Soothe yourself, give yourself compassion and if you can manage it, give compassion to the other person too, if  for no other reason than to simply acknowledge them as a human being. Perhaps at some point you may be able find it within yourself to mentally thank the other person for the opportunity to learn and practice forgiveness. 

Remember that what you think is OK, may not be OK to someone else and vice-versa.  We all have our own perspectives about what is acceptable and what is not.  There is generally a social norm, however, there is also an abundance of gray area in life.

Notice if you have ever needed someone to forgive you?  What did you do?  What were you thinking?  Why did you behave as you did? What were you trying to do, be, or get?  Usually we are trying to get love, get our way, or protect ourselves and do or say things out of fear which can sometimes seem controlling, crazy, hurtful, or whatever to others.  Recognizing what you do to hurt others can help you to get to a place of forgiveness for others.  Perhaps you have not ever done anything as hurtful to others as has been done to you.  Acknowledge yourself kindly for being decent to others and feel good about who you are and leave it at that.

To be real, it is easier to forgive someone who said something mean to you than it is to forgive someone who has hurt you or someone you love in a really bad way.  It is still possible to forgive.  Do it mostly for yourself to unload that burden of hate and hurt so that you can free yourself for the goodness that life and other people do offer.

Create a healing ceremony to help you to heal by writing down what you are thinking and feeling then burn it, or draw a picture then tear it up.  Do anything that will transform it from one way of being to another which is what you are trying to do with forgiveness. To transform the hurt and pain to peace and healing. Do whatever you can to soften your heart and the situation.  This all takes time and happens little by little. 

Ask for forgiveness, forgive others, forgive yourself.  Maybe you won't do it perfectly or all at once, but keep at it and do your best.  Acknowledge yourself  each time you do it and it will get easier in time. You'll know when you are healed.

Forgive. Live authentically.  http:liveauthentically.org

The royal wedding

I am usually not a follower of royalty or celebrities.  However, I occasionally check up on them while perusing magazines when I am at the hair salon. 

This morning, I watched the royal wedding on TV as I had in 1981 when Prince Charles married Princess Diana. I had the time and I was intrigued with how a royal wedding works and I appreciate the beauty and extraodinariness of it all.  I could think of it as out of proportion to the rest of the world, but I prefer to think that it is a grand display of the best of what can be.  This is not to say that simple and ordinary isn't good.  I think it is.  I am saying that I like to see just how extravagant humans can be and the British carry it off well. 

The high standards of the how the Brits behave and the elegance,quality, and tradition is surpassed by none.  The new royal couple act with intergrity, grace, style, and humility, seemingly willing to serve others in their highest capacity as well as maintain a secure sense of self.  They genuinely like and respect each other which perhaps other young couples will emulate. 

I enjoyed a little break from my everyday routine with a display of love and commitment from the young royal couple.  Best wishes William and Kate and thank you for sharing your special time with the world.

Gratitude

According to the Positive Psychology textbook written by C.R. Snyder and Shane J. Lopez, research done by psychologists Robert Emmons and Michael McCullogh shows that "those who kept a weekly gratitude journal...were (1) more optimistic, (2) more energetic, (3) more connected to other people, and (4) more likely to have a restful sleep." (2007, p. 274)


Name 3 things right now that you are grateful for. Gratitudes can be as simple as being grateful for a warm sunny day or as big as being grateful for a miracle that has happened in your life. When the temptation to complain arises, go ahead and get it out if you need to, then as Grandma said, "Count your blessings." 

Often we take our lives for granted until something bad happens such as a health issue.  Just notice your hands and how they work, or your eyes, or your legs. Give them a little attention and a little love and see how they become stronger or you feel more grateful for what they do. Be really clear with yourself as to what they mean to you and why. Say and write down the reasons you are grateful for them.  This is easier to do when you meet someone who doesn't have arms or their eyesight.  With practice gratitude becomes a way of life.

Use this process when you think of your spouse, children, friends, money, or any other part of your life.  Even use it for your enemies or those who you don't get along with.  What?  Yes, notice what opportunites lie in the difficulties you have with them.  Are you learning tolerance? Patience? Trust? Personal boundries? Standing up for yourself? Once you recognize what you are learning, you may find that the person disappears into the background of your life. Thank them silently or out loud for being there to help you to become a better person.  Think of times when perhaps you were the one who challenged someone else through your behavior...and we all have at one time or another.  

How can you be grateful during the real hardships in life such as the death of a loved one or a natural disaster?  Only you can figure that out.  Even during crises there are things to be grateful for...help received, kind people, sunshine, fresh water, sometimes just this moment. Find the nuggets and hold tight to them.

Years ago, I was waitressing in a restaurant in Alaska.  Lakdar, who was a Muslim from North Africa was the host and my friend.  Whenever I got after him for seating me too many tables at one time, he would say "Thank you Martha."  I would retort "Why are you thanking me Lakdar? I am yelling at you!"  He answered that he didn't know, he was just taught to do that.  Many times throughout the years I have thought back on those times and have since discovered in my studies that some people learn to be grateful for everything in life; the good and the bad.  I am grateful to Lakdar for that lesson as well as the comical picture I get in my mind about me yelling and him saying thank you!  (My husband doesn't do this.)

Change your thoughts by being grateful through your speech and by writing them down.  Writing makes ideas more concrete and real. Then notice how your life beings to change, one thought at a time.  

Be grateful. Live authentically. http://liveauthentically.org

Personal guidelines and trust

Write down personal guidelines to be clear with yourself about how you treat yourself and how you want others to treat you. Examples are trust, integrity, humor. Define the words you've chosen and and write down how you want them to be or show up in your life. Be clear and dig deep.  This will help you to really know without a doubt why this is important to you, which makes it easier to live your life, your way (not someone elses way.)

For example:
Websters definition of trust = assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. To rely on the truthfulness of.  BELIEVE

My guideline for trust  =  I trust myself and I choose to have relationships with people I trust.

How I want trust to be or show up in my life:

•  I practice recognizing and acknowledging myself when I trust my own intuition, decisions, and thoughts. 
• I learn to see the difference between high quality and low quality thoughts so I learn to trust the high quality thoughts and let the low quality ones go.
• My words and actions match so I know that I will do what I say I will do and others know this about me too.  This helps me to trust myself and others to trust me too.
• When I say something, I am clear with my information.  When citing information, I have done my research so I pass on accurate information. 
• I do my best to know my own feelings and thoughts and can relay them to others with clarity.
• I am truthful with my words.

I behave in these ways with myself and surround myself with others who live their lives in a similar fashion. 

For those who do not and are in my life or come through my life, I do my best to recognize that they are unconsciously stuck in patterns that hurt them and it is not about me, rather it is their own "stuff" to work through.  I learn to just be a sounding board or mirror for them to see themselves, say a quiet prayer, and let it go. Then I spend as little time as I can with them to protect myself from the negativity. 

It is OK for me to have these boundries or guidelines. And it is OK to speak of them and live them.  That is trusting and honoring myself.

Jealousy/envy

According to Merriam-Websters Collegiate Dictionary:
envy  = painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage
jealous = hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage
need = a lack of something requisite, desirable, or useful
want = to have a strong desire for
essence = the individual, real, or ultimate nature of a thing especially as opposed to its existance.  In or by its very nature
accept = to recognize as true: BELIEVE

When I feel jealous or envious of someone else, I ask myself what is it that I need or want.  I used to be upset with the other person and wonder why they got to have something and I didn't.  I have learned to silently thank them for showing me clearly what it is that I want. 

First, I do my best to let my thoughts go about it, then take a minute to really feel the feelings in my body and tell myself what it feels like and I name the feeling.  Oh yes, that is the feeling of jealousy/envy and that is part of being human. As difficult as this is, it really does pass quickly.

 I look within to see what I think is missing and what I want to fill with whatever it is that I think that they have that I want.  It really is all about me!  Once I identify what I want that I think I don't have, I have a little conversation with myself that goes something like this:

For example - if a friend travels often and I want to travel and don't presently have the money to do so, I may feel jealous and envious.
 
What need is not being filled for me?
What is the essence of what I want?  
My need to get out of town in the dead of winter? 
Why?  Because I want to experience something new. 
Why? Because I feel stale, bored, and anxious. 
Why? Because I don't have the money to do what I want when I want. 
Oh! So you think money will buy you the freedom to travel and ease your stress in the middle of a long winter, so you feel jealous that a friend can do that and you can't?
Yes.
I want the freedom to do what I want when I want.
Ahhhh, so that's it.
Do I feel powerless to make the changes I need to make to create my life?
Sometimes I do.  Oh my, time to change that.
Really I want freedom to make choices and I think that money will provide that freedom for me.  At least in this scenerio. 
Great. 
Next question is "So what are you going to do about it?"

Action needs to follow, otherwise I will wallow.  Wallow in the yucky feelings of jealously and envy.

What I want to feel is confident that I have the control of my life to do what I want when I want. 

Therefore, I create intentions and goals and make a plan as to how I will go to the Carribean next February.  Maybe it will happen next year, maybe it will take 2 years.  However, it is up to me to take the reins and make the choices now to get what I want in the future.  My first choice is to quit whining.

After recognizing what is underneath it all I can feel good  by being grateful right now for the little things that do bring me the feelings of personal power and control. 

I acknowledge myself for the little steps I take towards what I want and I find free ways of satisfying the needs/wants that I presently have.

 I accept where I am now, create intentions and goals, and then let my thoughts go about it. 

I have done all I can do in this moment. 

Peace within is restored and I feel excited to embark on this new adventure of learning to live my life, my way.

Use jealousy and envy to jumpstart a new endeavor.  Take control.  Live authentically.  http.liveauthentically.org

My answer to myself = I intend to teach Live Authentically destination courses so I can travel to beautiful places and get paid for it!

Peace

Peace within ourselves creates peace within our home, which creates peace wherever we go, which creates peace within the world...if we all felt peace within ourselves.

Peace be with you. Live authentically. http://liveauthentically.org