Forgiveness doesn't mean that you condone someones behavior, nor do you have to like them or have anything to do with them. It is a way to lighten your own load of hurt, hate, disappointment, resentment, or whatever. It is acknowledging that hurt has happened and that you have made peace with it .
The only way to really experience and truly know the meaning of the word is to go through something painful. Yuck. But how else will you know what it is to forgive?
Haven't we all needed to be forgiven at some point in our lives?
Of course, this is all easier said than done. Going through something painful with another person or people is just that...painful. Take a moment and sit with the pain. Listen to it, let it speak to you. You speak to it. Soothe yourself, give yourself compassion and if you can manage it, give compassion to the other person too, if for no other reason than to simply acknowledge them as a human being. Perhaps at some point you may be able find it within yourself to mentally thank the other person for the opportunity to learn and practice forgiveness.
Remember that what you think is OK, may not be OK to someone else and vice-versa. We all have our own perspectives about what is acceptable and what is not. There is generally a social norm, however, there is also an abundance of gray area in life.
Notice if you have ever needed someone to forgive you? What did you do? What were you thinking? Why did you behave as you did? What were you trying to do, be, or get? Usually we are trying to get love, get our way, or protect ourselves and do or say things out of fear which can sometimes seem controlling, crazy, hurtful, or whatever to others. Recognizing what you do to hurt others can help you to get to a place of forgiveness for others. Perhaps you have not ever done anything as hurtful to others as has been done to you. Acknowledge yourself kindly for being decent to others and feel good about who you are and leave it at that.
To be real, it is easier to forgive someone who said something mean to you than it is to forgive someone who has hurt you or someone you love in a really bad way. It is still possible to forgive. Do it mostly for yourself to unload that burden of hate and hurt so that you can free yourself for the goodness that life and other people do offer.
Create a healing ceremony to help you to heal by writing down what you are thinking and feeling then burn it, or draw a picture then tear it up. Do anything that will transform it from one way of being to another which is what you are trying to do with forgiveness. To transform the hurt and pain to peace and healing. Do whatever you can to soften your heart and the situation. This all takes time and happens little by little.
Ask for forgiveness, forgive others, forgive yourself. Maybe you won't do it perfectly or all at once, but keep at it and do your best. Acknowledge yourself each time you do it and it will get easier in time. You'll know when you are healed.
Forgive. Live authentically. http:liveauthentically.org
